Dear Dorian

Today was hell. Today was the living embodiment of my biggest fears and worst nightmares. Today was the day you left us.

A lot of things have went through my head since; mainly the question "why?"

Because it's so unfair to me that this life would give you a chance then take it from you, you would have loved life so, so much. You were always, always so happy and non of this makes sense to me. I always knew SIDS was a thing, just as much as miscarriages, just as much as freak car-accidents, cancer, these things are horrific but I always knew they still happen despite that fact. Yet, I never thought it would be you, not my Dorian. Not my little boy so full of life and character and already such a little charmer but that day did happen and I can't shake it, don't think I ever will.

You were and still are so, so, so loved and that's from me alone, you add every other single person who you ever touched the lives of and its overwhelming how loved you are.

The only consolation I can take from this is that you'll never know heartache, you'll never know betrayal, you'll never know pain or loss or grow up to see that there can be some really cruel people on this earth. You went to sleep knowing nothing but love and warmth and family and happiness and knowing that you were my utter pride and joy, so, thank you so, so much for those 109 days.

It was Friday the 25th of August 2017 at 8:55am when your dad called.

"Dorians not breathing!" "What?!" "Dorians not breathing" "Call an ambulance!"

And, baby boy, I am just so, so sorry I couldn't make it better.

I love you, always